Loving Presence
As I come very near the end of my three year Hakomi Somatic Therapy training, there is one simple piece of advice that one of my trainers gave to us in this last, final year.
It's quite simple, and yet it has had such a profound impact on my practice. And it's this:
"If there is nothing else you do other than find at least one thing you genuinely appreciate about the human sitting across from you, then that's enough."
I know, it seems almost too simple.
And, feeling safe, cared for, and genuinely valued by the therapist or coach is the foundation from which transformation in therapy occurs.
There are a lot of complex skills and theory I have learned in this training, and this is one of those simple touch stones of wisdom that I continue to come back to when I start to feel like I am losing ground in a session with someone.
When I am in the seat of the person holding space, and my own core wounding or fear starts to sit in the driver's seat, or I recognize that my own perfectionism or other coping mechanisms are getting in the way of my client's process, I remember to return to the seat of loving presence.
Loving presence is one of the five principles of Hakomi Somatic Therapy. So far, we have covered the principles of nonviolence, organicity, and mind/body in the previous newsletters.
Being relatively new in offering this work to the world, this principle is one that helps me to return to a sense of being in right relationship with myself and with my clients as sit with my own internal stirrings during and after sessions.
I often find myself in a state of awe when I witness the uniqueness of each client's patterning based on their life experience, and how they have become internally organized. Human beings are incredibly resilient! It's amazing, and such an honor to bear witness to.
Loving presence has also become an embodied anchor for my own healing and growth process. When I find myself feeling disconnected and wrapped up in rumination, judgement, or fear...I gently call on loving presence by bringing my attention to my heart, and I feel the underlying softness that's already there.
One inquiry that I have been working with is this:
How can I authentically tend to myself right now?
This inquiry invites in softness, sincerity, and presence.
Rather than efforting to figure it out, I drop back into a sense of what's actually true in this moment, and what's genuinely needed.
In the words of Ron Kurtz who founded Hakomi:
"The first task of a Hakomi therapist is to help a person feel safe. There are all kinds of ways to do that, but the most basic is to have an active, deep respect and compassion for all beings."
All human beings deserve care, belonging, respect, and dignity. No matter what you have been through, or what has happened in the past. It is your birth right to belong, and to be valued and cared for.
This is something I remember as a way to find myself when I am in the dark.
Loving presence is a principle that I commit to embodying for myself and with my clients. It's not something to strive towards, but a remembering that it's something we all already have.
