Core beliefs and Sensitivity
First of all, what are core beliefs?
Core beliefs are deeply held, unconscious beliefs that exist as a felt sense in the body, rather than a conscious, rational belief held in the mind.
For example, you may have the conscious belief that you deserve to be respected just as much as any other human being.
You may know this in your mind, but your body may hold the implicit memory of being bullied, neglected, or abused as child. So the unconscious core belief that exists as a felt sense may be something like "I am unworthy".
And as much as you may say your affirmations or try to change your core wounding from changing your thoughts, your body keeps the score...to borrow from Bessel van der Kolk.
What do core beliefs have to do with being sensitive? Before I go into that, I will first say that core beliefs are usually about self. Why? Because most core beliefs form at an early age before the brain is not developed enough to understand that your caretakers' behavior toward you may have very little to do with you.
Simply put, young children don't have the awareness or orientation to understand that the reason a parent or caretaker is neglecting or abusing them is because of the caretaker's own struggles, and the child is not at fault for that behavior. A child's only way to make sense of this is to internalize a belief about themselves.
Unfortunately, this "core material" may never get fully integrated, and as adults, we can still walk around with these unintegrated core beliefs that have a strong hold on our perceptions of ourselves and the world.
Now onto how this relates with sensitivity...
Why some people are more sensitive than others is still somewhat of a mystery, but there are some clues into why some people have this trait and others do not. Research shows us that there may be some degree of it being an inherent personality trait (nature), and some degree of early life experiences (nurture).
In Hakomi Somatic Therapy, we learn about the character strategies that people develop to be able to function in the world with core psychological wounds.
These strategies are essentially deeply rooted coping mechanisms that are usually unconscious because they are developed at such a young age as a brilliant protective mechanism that the child’s nervous system erects when the child has no tools or understanding for how to cope with not getting some kind of essential emotional need met.
The first strategies that develop from an embryonic stage until approximately 6 months of age are the sensitive strategies. An infant has no degree of conscious awareness that the outside world is differentiated from their internal world.
To an infant, their inner sensations are one continuous experience to their external environment, with no consciousness dividing the two.
The experience that occurs in infanthood is “If something is wrong outside of me, then something is wrong inside of me.” Of course, the reverse is also true, and this experience is not a conscious thought, it is a very basic felt sense.
Between 0-6 months of age, we are trying to get a sense of whether or not our very existence is okay, that our very existence is welcome in this world. The unconscious question is: Is it okay to be here?
So, if wounding happens at this very young age when there's no distinction of outside and inside, when something is off externally, the resulting core beliefs that exist as a felt sense in the body may be something like the following...
· There is something wrong with me
· The world is unwelcoming and dangerous
· I am not safe
· I am not normal
· I do not belong anywhere. I am not welcome.
If you can identify with any of these core beliefs or experiences, take some deep breaths. You are NOT alone, and you DO NOT have to navigate this dilemma by yourself.
A sensitive person who had a loving upbringing is a gift to the world, but you know what's even more of a gift?.... A sensitive person who did not have a loving upbringing, who has done the inner work to claim their true sense of self and dignity! Am I speaking to you? If so, please drop a line. I'd love to hear about your experience.
